happy happy since i received a reply from my young love feeling being so high up in cloud nine, this time like a giggly teenager. i was going to say that i was a giggly teenager all over agaim but i rememerberd i was not, i was one very uptight teenager. that is actually te reason i lost my young love.
now im enjoying the feeling, not givingmit much thought, just letting my feelings and my emotions come forth. and its fun! now im a giggly adult!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Big pretender
ok as i sit, blogging instead of listening, with my mind getting dulled from boredom. desperately trying to hold on to my morning excitement. partly angry why i had to sit here anyways. ok so i know it was because of the people who abused their freedom, partky angry and resentful because that person was certainly not me, partly sighing and resigning to my fate, yes this might be what they call, ones learned helplessness...
what do they call me sitting here wasting my time?
discipline! for me, its called a waste of time cause my super ego is already more punitive than this, and hence i dont see the need fir me to be here! and the worst of it all, the one they want to discipline is not even here!
ok i can be childish cause this is my blog, i dont have to pretend to be more mature and try to rationalize that i can learn even from the repeat of the things i already know, and yes a part of me wants to be obedient and make the most of this hour and find the pearls in the very thing that bores me, but for the moment my mind is turning away, duller than an unsharpened pencil
for now, i must try harder to pretend that all these are interesting and totally worth the pressure i feel in my behind...
what do they call me sitting here wasting my time?
discipline! for me, its called a waste of time cause my super ego is already more punitive than this, and hence i dont see the need fir me to be here! and the worst of it all, the one they want to discipline is not even here!
ok i can be childish cause this is my blog, i dont have to pretend to be more mature and try to rationalize that i can learn even from the repeat of the things i already know, and yes a part of me wants to be obedient and make the most of this hour and find the pearls in the very thing that bores me, but for the moment my mind is turning away, duller than an unsharpened pencil
for now, i must try harder to pretend that all these are interesting and totally worth the pressure i feel in my behind...
A heart in peace
i saw your name and then i saw your picture, two decades it has been...and i remembered how you use to make me feel. how you swept me off my feet. how you made my world feel like it was made of dreams. it filled my heart with joy, i felt alive and my heart beat pounding against my chest, i found myself in tears ... are you the one that got away? that even after twenty years you made my heart beat faster?
i went crazy trying to reach you and finally i found a way, as i wait for your response, i remembered how i lost you, the flood of pain came rushing in, twenty years ago, this young girl gave you a bear and i watched you from afar and saw you give it to another girl. a young girls pain can also not be equalled, just like how a young love can not be compared.
and now i know God's reason why you didnt make it into my present and now i can close this chapter in my life...
i went crazy trying to reach you and finally i found a way, as i wait for your response, i remembered how i lost you, the flood of pain came rushing in, twenty years ago, this young girl gave you a bear and i watched you from afar and saw you give it to another girl. a young girls pain can also not be equalled, just like how a young love can not be compared.
and now i know God's reason why you didnt make it into my present and now i can close this chapter in my life...
young love...
as i was struck by nostalgia after watching my amnesia girl, i remembered and know that a young love can be so powerful and pure. It is the time when you feel like everything seems beautiful and perfect. like the world stands still for your love. when the rain drops fell like jewels in the sky.
i then looked for the love i once had and seeing his name, his face on screen, filled my heart with immense emotions i couldnt contain. hence i started a blog.
a blog to tell the youth to wait, dont rush, dont settle for just anyone that comes along. wait for the love that will sweep you off your feet. a love so true that you will be filed with wonderful and beautiful memories, a feeling that can not even be erased even after decades of being apart.
i use to not believe in that kind of love, i use to think that they just happen in the books or the movies and yes i even almost did forget, because i lost that one love. though regrets are there, as my heart was filled with memories, i still thank God for letting me experience such love and thankful to have love and lost than never to have loved at all...
i then looked for the love i once had and seeing his name, his face on screen, filled my heart with immense emotions i couldnt contain. hence i started a blog.
a blog to tell the youth to wait, dont rush, dont settle for just anyone that comes along. wait for the love that will sweep you off your feet. a love so true that you will be filed with wonderful and beautiful memories, a feeling that can not even be erased even after decades of being apart.
i use to not believe in that kind of love, i use to think that they just happen in the books or the movies and yes i even almost did forget, because i lost that one love. though regrets are there, as my heart was filled with memories, i still thank God for letting me experience such love and thankful to have love and lost than never to have loved at all...
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