ok as i sit, blogging instead of listening, with my mind getting dulled from boredom. desperately trying to hold on to my morning excitement. partly angry why i had to sit here anyways. ok so i know it was because of the people who abused their freedom, partky angry and resentful because that person was certainly not me, partly sighing and resigning to my fate, yes this might be what they call, ones learned helplessness...
what do they call me sitting here wasting my time?
discipline! for me, its called a waste of time cause my super ego is already more punitive than this, and hence i dont see the need fir me to be here! and the worst of it all, the one they want to discipline is not even here!
ok i can be childish cause this is my blog, i dont have to pretend to be more mature and try to rationalize that i can learn even from the repeat of the things i already know, and yes a part of me wants to be obedient and make the most of this hour and find the pearls in the very thing that bores me, but for the moment my mind is turning away, duller than an unsharpened pencil
for now, i must try harder to pretend that all these are interesting and totally worth the pressure i feel in my behind...
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